We care deeply about our children. It’s always heartbreaking to learn that they are being bullied or pressured into doing things they don’t want to do. As a concerned caregiver, what do you do when your kid is being bullied? You need to teach them how to deal with bullies, but how do you do it?

To help your child cope with bullying:

  • Gently probe them to understand the issue by asking them open-ended questions.
  • Don’t use a judgmental tone.
  • Assure them you’ll be there for them no matter what.
  • When the child feels safe, explain how bullies operate and how they can respond non-confrontationally. 

Bullying can have devastating impacts on your child, especially in the long term, so you need to take immediate interventions to help them deal with the issue. Here’s a detailed guide on how to handle this tricky situation mindfully.

Understanding Bullying

You can’t solve a problem if you don’t understand it, of course, so it’s essential to understand the dynamics of bullying if you’re going to properly deal with them.

Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior featuring a power imbalance between the perpetrator and victim. The bully uses their strength, popularity, or authority to control, gaslight, or harm others.

Your child may be bullied verbally or online. It may even become physical in extreme cases. Cyberbullying is equally dangerous these days and can leave lasting emotional scars on the child.

All types of bullying harm the victim emotionally. The victim may feel isolated, experience low self-esteem, and might even develop anxiety or depression.

What to Do If My Son Is Being Bullied?

Any child can be bullied. Helping them understand that this is common and showing them the way through it is the best approach to helping them learn to cope with the stress and move past the harm. Here are some steps you can take to address the situation:

1. Identify the Signs

You’d be surprised to learn that many kids don’t speak up about being bullied. It may be due to fear, shame, or a feeling of helplessness.

If you were bullied as a child, maybe you can relate. How long did it take you to tell anyone about it?

That’s why being a present, observant parent or guardian is so important. You need to keep an eye out for these signs to help identify if your child is being bullied.

  • Unexplained injuries or bruises.
  • Lost or damaged belongings.
  • Changes in eating habits, such as binge eating or skipping meals.
  • Sudden mood swings or unexplained emotional outbursts.
  • Withdrawal from friends and family, especially those they were once close with.

If you notice any of these signs, it’s time to have a conversation with your child.

2. Remain Calm and Reassure Your Child

It’s understandable that you may feel upset, angry, and even helpless as a parent or guardian when you learn that your child is being bullied. However, you may need to learn how to help children express and regulate their emotions.

You need to be a source of safety and reassurance, so it’s not okay to have an emotional outburst in front of your child. Remain calm and tell your child they did the right thing by telling you.

Reassure them that they’re not alone and that you will work together to find a solution.

3. Listen Without Judgment

When your child opens up about being bullied, it’s crucial to listen without judging or minimizing their experience. Let them tell their story without interruption and validate their feelings.

A problem shared is a problem half-solved. Getting your child to open up about their experience is an important step in addressing and resolving the issue.

If possible, discreetly record or document this conversation and any further ones on the topic as soon as you appreciate it for what it really is.

4. Questions to Ask

  • Do they bully you in front of others?
  • Who else do the bullies pick on?
  • What did they say or do that made you feel bad?
  • When did they start picking on you, and how often do they do it?
  • Do you know why they are bullying you?
  • Have you told anyone else about this?

These questions will help you get a better understanding of the situation and how severe it is. It’s also essential to ask if your child has told anyone else about the bullying, as it can provide valuable insight into how long the issue has been going on and who can help.

5. Take Action

As a parent or guardian, it’s your responsibility to proactively protect your child from further bullying. The solution has to come from your child though, so you’ll need to teach them how to deal with bullies on top of contacting proper authorities to get the issue resolved.

Some immediate actions you can take include:

  • Contacting the school or organization where the bullying is taking place.
  • Reporting any physical violence or threats to the authorities.
  • Getting therapy or counseling for your affected child.

How to Deal with Bullies at School

While being bullied is never the fault of the person it’s inflicted on, it’s important to give kids who are dealing with this a toolkit they can use to deal with the situation. Start by explaining to them why most bullies behave the way they do. Then, give them coping strategies to deal with the stress. Once you’ve walked your child through the situation, you’ll then need to work with authorities who are actually there to help stop future bullying incidents.

Explain Why Bullies Do What They Do

Explain to your child that bullies try to belittle and demean others to make themselves feel better. This understanding can help your child see that the bullying is not about them but rather the bully’s own issues.

It may be difficult to convince a kid that staying calm and ignoring bullies works when they’re getting teased, so don’t go there right away.

Use open-ended questions to gently nudge them to the realization. For example, ask, “What do you know about bullies?”

Listen to your child’s response and then ask, “Do you think a bully wants to make you feel bad?” This question will help your child realize that getting upset rewards the bullies, encouraging them to continue.

Suggest Coping Strategies to Your Child

Once your child understands that bullies are trying to get a reaction from them, they can start using coping strategies:

  • Teach them how to act unaffected and uninterested when someone tries to bother them.
  • Discourage retaliation, insist on de-escalation, and encourage evasive self-defense in case of physical confrontation.
  • Role-play with your child so they can practice responding to different bullying scenarios. It will help build their confidence in dealing with bullies in real-life situations.
  • Remind them that it’s okay to walk away and seek help from an adult if necessary. They don’t have to face bullies alone.

Immediate Steps to Take

1. Documenting Incidents

Explain to your child the importance of documenting every bullying incident they experience. Tell them they can write it down in a journal and save any text or social media exchanges.

Let your child know that it can also help to tell their friends so that they expose the behavior and build alliances. Encourage the kid to also tell teachers and school counselors about the bully so they can help.

Apart from helping, the teachers are also supposed to document such reports. This documentation will be useful if further steps are needed to address the bullying. 

Exposing the bully’s behavior and patterns can help build a case against them.

2. Reporting to School Authorities

If bullying occurs at school, it must be reported to school authorities immediately. Many schools have strict policies against bullying and should take necessary action to stop it once they’re made aware of it.

Before reporting, ensure your child has all the details about the incident documented. Encourage them to be honest and provide as much information as possible while reporting. You’ll also want to add to your documentation dates and times you’ve made contact with school staff, as well as who you made contact with in case the situation doesn’t get resolved.

3. Seeking Professional Help

If the bullying is severe or continues despite efforts to address it, consider seeking professional help for your child. A child therapist or counselor can help your child figure out their emotions and develop coping mechanisms to deal with the bullying.

Your child will also feel safe to freely express their feelings and concerns. It can boost their self-confidence and self-esteem that may have been affected by the bullying.

If it’s a kindergartener being bullied and the school isn’t helping, it may be best to consider pulling them out of the school and finding a different school for their kindergarten year.

You are your child’s last line of defense, so don’t be afraid to make any tough calls. 

Monitoring Your Child’s Social Circle

As a parent, monitoring your child’s social circle is important. Here are some things you can do to keep track of who your child is hanging out with:

  • Encourage group activities: Plan outings or get-togethers with your child and their friends so you can observe how they interact.
  • Get to know their friends’ parents: Reach out to other parents and get to know them.
  • Monitor social media: Observe your child’s social media accounts and check for any concerning behavior or interactions with their friends.
  • Talk to your child: Have open and honest conversations about their friendships and address any concerns or red flags you may have noticed.
  • Trust your instincts: If you feel like something is off with your child’s social circle, don’t be afraid to investigate further and talk to them about it.

Creating a Supportive Environment at Home

To conclude, the best way to deal with bullying is to create a supportive and open home environment.

If your child can openly communicate with you and feel supported, they will more likely seek help if a bully tries to harm them. They will also share with you when they’re pressured or bullied and seek your guidance.

It’s back-to-school season, so prioritize mental health for a successful year.